TOP STORY

CUPERTINO, CA – Apple executives have confirmed that an iPhone has finally integrated itself with a human. iPhone and human integration is an unannounced feature that comes with the recently released iPhone 4S.
The integration feature, named iBorg, was used for the first time by James Maddow last week when he inadvertently hit the home button five consecutive times.
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WASHINGTON, DC - Despite knowing very little about North Korea, foreign policy experts think that the people of North Korea are probably sad at the passing of Kim Jong-il.
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ATLANTA, GA – A college co-ed isn’t sure, but she thinks she regrets most of the events that occurred during her New Year’s Eve party.
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Performance of The Nutcracker “OK”
Report: Costumes Less Sexy in XXL Size
Local Man Surprised to Hear Libya Still at War
Woman Reading Book Won’t Shut Up

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• Jonathan Taylor Thomas to Star in Next Hollywood Meltdown
  
• Funny Thing Happens On Way To Forum
  
• Democrat Updates Blog to Protest Government
  
• Hot Girls to Replace Alter Boys in Catholic Mass
  
• Few Attend Student’s “Occupy My Pants” Party
  
• Miss Nude World 1971 Comes Out of Retirement
  
• Hollywood Adopts New Affirmative Action rules
  
• New Report Concludes Most of the Irish Population Are Alcoholic
  
• Video Game Convention Offers Vision of Future Game Consoles
  

• Coworkers Find Office Decorations “Over the Top”
  
• Congress Passes Laws Aimed at Stopping Santa
  
• Lack of iPad Present Proves God, Santa Claus Do Not Exist
  
• Few Attend Student’s “Occupy My Pants” Party
  
• In Face of Shortage, FDA Offers Turkey Alternatives
  
• Internet 80% Porn, 15% Cats, 4% Mean Comments
  
• Zombie Unicorns Attack Fans At Minor League Game
  
• God Admits To Answering Celebrity Prayers First
  
• Retailers Stocking up on Halloween’s Hottest Costumes
  
• School Newspaper Accused of Hacked Student’s Phones
  

• Report: Costumes Less Sexy in XXL Size
  
• Local Man Surprised to Hear Libya Still at War
  
• White Guy Gets Chinese Character Tattoo
  
• Performance of The Nutcracker “OK”
  
• Woman Reading Book Won’t Shut Up
  
• April Fools' Joke Goes Horribly Wrong
  
• Neighborhood Mother Is a Total Slut
  
• Guy Won’t Stop Talking About John Mayer
  
• Top New Year’s Resolution: Stop Masturbating
  
• English Professor Gives Up on His Class