CAMBRIDGE, MA – Students at MIT have succeeded in building a robot with artificial intelligence capable of pressing an elevator button.

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Despite expectations to the contrary, the recent purchase of an Apple iPhone has left Geoffrey Glocke’s life relatively unchanged.

PORTLAND, OR – The latest application from Google, code named “Blue Screen,” has the entire tech industry on edge as rumors persist that the application will revolutionize modern computing.
“The technology at work here is astonishingly sophisticated. It’s unlike anything the world has ever seen,” said Google CEO Eric Schmidt. “ “This (Blue Screen) will literally reach through your screen and slap you in the face. Well, not literally.”

SANTA CRUZ, CA – An epidemic is sweeping the nation as the popular website Twitter is being used more and more regularly to post vague and generally uninteresting messages.

TORONTO, CANADA – The Canadian based Research in Motion is set to unveil its next generation Blackberry next month and the cell phone industry is abuzz with the limited information that’s been made available.

SEATTLE, WA – With the enormous success of the video game Rock Band, MTV Games has announced plans to extend the video game line with the addition of at least two news games scheduled to release this yea

CHARLOTTESVILLE, OH – Manufacturers are working feverishly on an upgrade to the software installed in the SkyNet Cyborg model XX1331, more commonly referred to as Governor Sarah Palin. The Republican Party is putting pressure on SkyNet to resolve a number of issues as the party is becoming less and less happy with its recent purchase of a Palin.

TOKYO, JAPAN – A Japanese electronics firm, Nagisariko, has created the first penis implants that will allow men to control movie clips, either on a computer or DVD, while they masturbate.

SAN BERNIDINO, CA – The star of a wildly popular viral video, Dexter Mourn says that while he is happy with his recent success as an internet star, he would really like to turn his attention to directing.

DETROIT, MI – To increase subscribers, the driver assistance system OnStar will be unveiling several new features aimed at easing the life of drivers world wide. One of the first new systems to be implemented will be a service to help drivers identify good, out-of-the-way places to bury dead bodies.